


JWP 2020 #1: Counting Costs

by methylviolet10b



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Prompt Fic, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25028215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/methylviolet10b/pseuds/methylviolet10b
Summary: He sleeps beside me now. Written for JWP #1 over on Watson's Woes.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32
Collections: Watson's Woes JWP Collection: 2020





	JWP 2020 #1: Counting Costs

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Подсчёт потерь](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25240009) by [Little_Unicorn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Unicorn/pseuds/Little_Unicorn)



> Warnings: Contemplative. Not much action. Reflections on the benefits of love and the the cost of living with injustice.

He sleeps beside me now. In my arms, sometimes, when we are both so inclined and our bodies do not insist on aching too much. Other times, most times, we lie close, turned on backs or sides or fronts as the strange exercises of Morpheus demand. Not necessarily touching, but always close enough to touch.

It was an indulgence we rarely allowed ourselves in Baker Street. At first we did not acknowledge the desire, and later we did not dare relax our guards so much. Mrs Hudson would not have betrayed us, but we were no more willing to expose her to the risk of censure or worse than we were ourselves. So for all the ways we expressed our love within those walls, we rarely indulged in something so trivial as sleeping in the same bed.

I never guessed how something so basic could be so precious, such a regular source of joy, until we retired to Sussex. Hidden by distance and Watson’s literary fictions of a separate life and wife, safe from any servants, neighbors, or prying eyes, it quickly became habit to retire together, and to remain together. To share our bed all night long.

Only then did I discover what I had missed.

Some of it I expected: the warmth, the changes of breathing, the unconscious caresses. Some things I hypothesized might happen for proved true. Watson has had fewer incidents of night terrors since we began sharing a bed.

Other discoveries were complete surprises. I had no inkling of how comforting it would be, or how much more easily I would sleep. Watson’s presence has always been a comfort, but at night, in bed with him beside me, the whirling machinery of my mind finds both material for its workings and a slower, more contented cadence. My thoughts find more pleasant pathways, my breathing and heartbeat change to match his, and sleep can catch me and hold me as it never could before. Now I am extremely reluctant to do without his presence.

No. That is a fallacy.

I was always reluctant to do without his presence, but I knew the necessity of it, as did he. I simply didn’t know how much we were both sacrificing to the need. Now I do know, and it is hard not to resent the cruelties of law and society that cost us so much over the years.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted July 1, 2020.


End file.
